How to write well

1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid cliches like the plague. They’re old hat.

4. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

5. Be more or less specific.

6. Writers should never generalize.

Seven. Be consistent!

8. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

9. Who needs rhetorical questions?

10. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

backpfeifengesicht

backpfeifengesicht
[bokf-‘fIf-en-“ge-zikt]

(n.) a person who needs to be slapped; lit. “a face that needs a fist in it”

(logolepsy: an obsession with words)

Objection!

Tongue knotting challenge

I really love these kind of challenges. I uploaded the original picture, for I will not take credit for writing such a great piece of work. What struck me as funny, was the use of an abbreviation for my name in the fifth line. Like it was especially written for me! ♥

Good luck trying!

English pronunciation

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.

Eye halve a spelling checker

Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong or write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee four two long
And eye kan put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
Eye am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker told me sew.

Beach, please…

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing… they just waved.

Do you sea what I did there?

I’m shore you did!

i before e

Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated  weightlifters. Weird.

❝Soft kitty❞

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws and
one has a pause at the end of a clause.

thoughts, my deer

a touch, thoughtfully taught by those tempted through thousands of years

though tough is the deer without fear of the bear
who’s near enough to hear the dear deer
and clearly dares to make a tear in its sheer wear